Craigslist: "Are you ready to get to WORK? Then drive the car that says, "Shut the f* up, I'm commuting!" This boss 2001 Civic LX has 192k miles. This isn't your dad's Mercury Cougar that shit the bed after 97,000 miles. It's a Honda. It's just hitting puberty. It can be yours for $3,293.67.
Fast cars and big trucks all scream the same thing: "I'M OVERCOMPENSATING!" If you're secure about the size of your genitalia, drive something that tells the world you give zero shits because you average 35 MPfuckingG.
Complete with tinted windows up front. Why not the back windows? This ride doesn't care about some bitch-ass backseat driver (or child)! If you get tired of them complaining out of their pie-holes, you can nail them with ice-cold AC capable of freezing your dick/vagina right off.
The airbag (SRS) light came on randomly a couple weeks ago. I didn't bother fixing it because I'm not a pussy, and if my car is going to have a hard landing after jumping over an exploding train and the airbag is going to blast me in the face, I want it to be a surprise, like a hooker jumping out of a birthday cake. BOING.
Front tires are ready to rock. Rear tires are fine although not quite as rock-ready, but what do you care? You're an LA driver--as soon as there's a drop of rain you're going to piss yourself and drive like the sky is falling, anyway.
This car is all-Civic, ladies. It hasn't been trashed and racing-modded by some yabbo, because it's a f*ing Civic. Get real people."
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