Forty one. I made it. Those of you who know me well, know this was a big birthday for me. I know, forty one isn’t a typical milestone birthday but for me, it was. ✨
My beautiful mother passed just a month before she turned forty one. The lead up to this birthday has been tough for me, more emotional than I could have expected.
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When she passed, I had no idea how young forty one was. How little of a life she had. And if I’m being honest, how sick she was emotionally. She was barely surviving and not living the life I’m sure she hoped to live. I watched her... wondering what was going on inside of her, wishing I could help or fix whatever it was. ✨
For many years after her passing I carried guilt that I didn’t try harder to help her or be there for her. But now I know, I was her child and I couldn’t have done anything more than love her the way I did. ✨
The thought of my life being over at this point is unimaginable. Her passing has taught me to cherish every moment. To be the very best mother I can be and to take care of myself in all the ways she couldn’t. To not just love others but to —love myself—. ✨
So here I am... knowing I am enough. Knowing how important my relationship with my boys is. I’ve detoxed my life from the people and things that do not bring me joy and love. I live in the moment, I love hard, work hard and I’m creating a life I love on my own terms. Learning to trust who I am and worry less about what others want or think. It’s not selfish, it’s self love. ✨
Cheri you were a beautiful and talented woman. You walked into a room and you were noticed, by all. Your voice and guitar playing, magic. Your shake and bake pork chops, yum. I loved how you held my hand in public places.... I know you were doing your best. I’m so sorry for the pain you were in. Your personal struggles ultimately made me a strong, independent woman. I’m no longer afraid that my life will end too soon, I trust my future and know that losing you was all part of the plan to solidify that I’m a fighter and I’ll never give up or give in. I love you CB. ✨
I made it. :
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#birthday
#healing
#madeit