"My breast cancer diagnosis was, actually, a really positive experience. That statement pisses a lot of people off – but it was! It took me through this rabbit hole of facing all kinds of shadowy things in myself I’d been subconsciously avoiding.
In my profession, I use the term “emotional alchemy” – to take something that’s dark and heavy and turn it into something beautiful and uniquely yours. Cancer was kind of the pinnacle of that. I remember being on the living-room floor, just primal-screaming, “What the fuck am I gonna do? How am I gonna get through this?” And I heard this little voice that said, “You’re gonna make this beautiful.” When I made the decision to go flat – to not have breast reconstruction – it was really, really difficult. Part of that was doing a lot of emotional work to accept myself unconditionally, regardless of my appearance.
I was really hungry for beautiful images of women who had also had mastectomies. @nikkileighmckean did a campaign with Knix, and I was like, “Oh my god, here’s this beautiful woman – I’m gonna look like that!” It was such a redefinition of beauty, and I wanted to pay that forward. Now, any chance I have to share that awareness of what bodies look like and what people of value look like – which, spoiler alert, is everyone – I jump at the chance.
I was always pretty confident, but once I was bald and had no breasts, I realized I no longer had this mask of long, blond, wavy hair or double-D boobs. At first I thought, “If I lose my hair and breasts, I guess I lose my femininity.” It challenged me to go deeper: “Well, what the hell does that really mean? What kind of story am I telling about myself here?” I eventually realized I had to start leading with who I was as a person. That was a dramatic change – understanding that I, alone, am enough.” The incredibly inspiring @leissewilcox for @nowtoronto's fifth annual Love Your Body issue where eight people (including @kaylaloganblog) strip down and share their stories of learning to love the skin they're in🌸
#knix #BigStrongWoman