"Almost two years ago, I was pregnant and then I wasn’t. It was right up there with the top five hardest moments of my life thus far. Experiencing that loss and heartbreak and physical, emotional pain was devastating.⠀
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But then, there was a rainbow after a dark storm. A dark line on a test that I almost didn’t take. What I thought was food poisoning was my body telling me that it was growing life – so soon after that previous loss. Before the storm and the clouds had even cleared out of the sky.⠀
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There she was. Growing. Heart beating. Limbs forming. I spent the next eight months in a constant state of anxiety and panic. If I spotted, I laid on the floor crying – begging God to keep her safe. If I had any sort of pain whatsoever, I spiraled into a depression that only her heartbeat could pull me out of. Towards the end, there were moments that I wanted to feel peace – as she kicked and moved inside of me. But I didn’t feel total and complete peace until the moment they laid her on my chest.⠀
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She was covered in vernix and smelled like heaven. She cried and I cried with her. I cried because I was in love. I cried because after a devastating loss, I finally felt peace. I cried because she was mine and she was safe. And all was right."
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#knix #1in4 #rainbowbaby #selflove