The new employee training program is going swimmingly. Thanks to corporate’s latest installment of Bass Tracker Jet Boats, interns have been able to fly through fabled cigar pick-ups and grilled lobster tail lunch orders, delivering to their superiors at a whopping rate of 32 mph. A top-notch performance that will prove necessary during next week’s Friday Night Slush Fund. Word has it that Sharon from HR will be performing her “microtonal” karaoke performance of Kate Bush’s “Wurthering Heights.” On behalf of all event audio engineers, we can only hope there are enough Mai Tais to go around to make this performance somewhat bearable. But that just barely skims the surface of how water skis can get you a leg up in the company. There’s always something to be said about that one intern who finds time for the “real work”; making copies of the lazy river floor plans, filing paperwork for couples cruises, organizing the luau supply room, labeling ‘walk don’t run’ along the edges of the pool, loading sunscreen into their respective seaplanes. Nothing is owned; it is earned. And while some will flounder, most of these interns will quickly rise to sea level to get the job done.