Truth x
As I walked towards the theatre in silent stride with the midwife, I felt like a pensive warrior.
I climbed into the white sheets and in a moment of preserved intimacy, I placed my hand on the lower left side of my stomach and said ‘well, little one, this the end of us for now’. My eyes filled tears, but this was just between the baby and I.
With eyes closed, I then saw… or rather, felt a circle of women standing tall around me forming a protective space.
That was it.
And when I woke up, I knew that my body was back to one.
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Last Monday, my uterus was cleared as I experienced a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks.
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During my pregnancy my mum said to me ‘Pregnancy is a woman’s story darling’ and it wasn’t until I experienced the loss, that I truly understood. The women rose - arriving unannounced on my door with flowers, groceries and love. With tears in their eyes we shared the pain, through the connection in our bones. The calls, home grown greens, art, bone broth, and herbs for heart healing.
Tea for hours on my purple corduroy couch and so much real life love, and laughter.
I can honestly say that I have never felt more held and more connected. And more grateful for an experience that has softened me, slowed me and opened me even wider. The lessons have been profound.
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As women we can feel intuitively, and the unprompted messages from this online community just ‘checking in’ as they unbeknownst, felt my challenging chapter. 12 weeks of the darkest haze like I have never experienced. Some days the nausea was debilitating as I tried to show up and run a busy business pre-Christmas. And then followed by the news, that the little one we were growing decided to depart this time round.
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I share vulnerably because many can feel a shift around this grid.
And to shine light and openness is necessary.
If we don’t use this life and space to be honest and real, who are we presenting as?
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There is no shame in these experiences that make us warriors - and if you are out there and have experienced any form of devastation, don’t do it in silence and alone.
Be seen and heard, so that you can be held.
It is from this space that we heal and deepen. (Cont??)