I often reflect on the outcomes of life and the course within. Out of the many lessons, letting go and acceptance have been the hardest, and still are in many levels.
When leaving the infantry at barely 21, I was faced with a new reality with new tools. The thought of coming back to the world to pick up where I left off was diminished by the realization that I was now seeing it with a different lense. I took what I learned and began applying the tools towards a new course with no destination. The new me was molded. As time went on I accepted that things would be different. The anger, the depressions, the strengths, the loneliness, the fortitude of survival, the detachment were now the new reality. If the world died, it didnt matter because I would survive and move on. The veil of invincibility was upon me, after all, I was spared when others weren't. I had beaten the odds of the Unknown. I felt like a sad and guilty conquering champion because all others weren't in my place.
When I needed to escape reality, I would turn to the times where happiness comprised of fear, chaos, life, death, loss, violence, humor and hate. Escaping was my fuel. After a while, the fuel tank was empty and yet, I felt the need to run 100mph, setting harder and unattainable goals which would eventually bring me happiness. I would purposely move the goal post everytime I got closer so to not feel the sense of accomplishment.
It wasnt until a few years ago that I realized the everything that happened during war was simply a chapter of life that needed closure. After the reality that I had built collapsed in the worst possible manner, I found true happiness through acceptance. I cannot change the past, I can only work towards the present with the future in mind. Letting go of it was the true goal of it all.
Point is gents, war is not the only chapter of your life. Stay Zero @stayzeroactual #reality